Some stuff that has happened:

- the last full week of January was full of appointments, including a trip to Sick Kids to meet with the Nephrology team and some testing for Declan to determine what's up with his kidneys and the cysts.

- when I went in to find out WTF was up with my knee (possible patellofemoral syndrome, which is only 'cured' by eight weeks of physio), got the results of my blood work. It came back normal. You should really see my surprise face on that one. *rolls eyes* The urine test did come back positive for protein (joy) but it's not enough to be worrying. At least it's an easy test to repeat.

- Declan had no protein in his urine and his blood work came back as normal. So there is that.

- having your knee x-rayed is weird. The positions you have to keep it in is very unnatural. The highlight of the entire process? Connecting with another mother who was there with her son. We both agreed that shame was something for other people, especially after you've had someone fondling your cervix with others watching. Yay, childbirth.

- tried to call my shiny new(ish) psychiatrist, since I'm running low on meds. Hahahahaha, no. Apparently, I had a consultancy appointment, and don't actually have a psychiatrist. Cue lots of swearing and gnashing of teeth. Fine, thinks I, it's back to the doc for my meds and make the appointment, which is for this Friday.

- my games continue to truck along. I am finding that Thorn's voice is nearly silent in my head, but Amy's has gotten very loud. You'll have your time to shine, darlin'. But it's not yet.

- I am currently bashing my head against getting a data recovery program to actually work. It's my fault that the information is lost, but it shouldn't be THIS hard to get it back. I am frustrated and about this close to pitching my computer off the roof.

- small victory: picked up Declan from school AND took out the recycling without falling on my ass. It's been raining since this afternoon and freezing, so not slipping and sliding is worth noting.

(no subject)

Oct. 25th, 2005 06:28 pm
valkryor: (Default)
Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Every year I tell myself that I'm not going to go nuts on my Hallowe'en costume and spend hours upon hours sewing the damned thing only to get a couple of hours use out of it, and every year, I seem to fall into that trap.

This year, I'm sorry to say, has been no exception. When I found the crinoline/slip at Value Village, I thought, great, I'll just add this with something else and I'll be done. No dice. It was waaaay too small, meaning I would have to build another half then attach it. Building it, so far, hasn't been heinous, just time consuming.

I found out, not ten minutes ago, that when I finally put in the diamond netting to make the new front half poof out as much as the back, the top won't fit right. I have neither time nor money to make a suitable top, so I'm kinda stuck. I now have to tear apart the new front from the back, take the outside panel and the inside panel apart, then sew the two panels together in a skirt like fashion and then finish it (hemming, elasticized waist). This means that the one I found at Value Village is only good for scraps, really (or, if I can sew the seams back together, someone else might get some use out of it).

But I can't work on my costume tonight, because my in-laws' computer doesn't work. Again.


(no subject)

Sep. 19th, 2005 04:52 pm
valkryor: (Default)
I finally got back from having my mouth raped cavity filled. I have that drooly dog mouth feeling. I'm not actually drooling, but it feels that way. Even drinking water is something I have to think about so half of it doesn't end up down the front of my shirt. I had to buy milk plus a few other things for work tomorrow and I treated myself to some licorice tea. Small problem, if water requires thought and care, something hot might not be so clever. Maybe, after the freezing has worn off, I'll have some tonight. And, to top it all off, I forgot to buy bus tickets. Crap.

(no subject)

Sep. 17th, 2005 11:33 pm
valkryor: (Default)
At some point earlier in the evening, I noticed that my cords were torn. I have no idea how that happened, or even when, but they started to split right where the fabric was thinnest around the knee area. Damn. I really liked that pair of trousers, but they are beyond repair. I guess that means that I'll just have to make do without.

(no subject)

Sep. 14th, 2005 10:01 am
valkryor: (Bite Me)
My stomach is in knots and I feel nauseous. Why? As soon as I'm done looking for work, I'm going to be emailing my old supervisor informing him that I am willing to go back on Monday.

I know I gave myself another week to find something that wasn't phone/people related, but I have to be an adult about this. There are just some things that you have to do, regardless of your own personal wants/desires. To be honest, it feels a little like I'm selling myself down the river, breaking that promise I made to myself to never go back, come hell or high water.

Unfortunately, when money (or lack thereof) is involved, personal needs no longer take precedence. It's not the right thing to do, I know that. But it is the responsible thing.

(no subject)

Sep. 11th, 2005 03:46 pm
valkryor: (Default)
I'm so sleepy right now. There's still housework left to do yet today and neither of us wants to do anything ([ profile] fuzzpsych is napping on the couch while I type this) about it.

The weekend, though, has been good. Very social, though, and it looks like this is a trend that will probably carry on through to Christmas. Not that I mind seeing my friends, but after a while, I like spending entire days with my significant other without having to go anywhere.

Friday night was [ profile] lovecraftienne's Muffing Day party. Much fun, conversation and lechery were had by all who attended. I drank some Black Bush scotch neat...[ profile] fuzzpsych's jaw hit the floor on that one. :) It was good alkeyhall and I likes it, but it might have been a bit smoother with some ice.

Yesterday was not one, but two separate gatherings in Woodstock of all places. My brother-in-law invited us and a gaggle of cousins over for burgers and such. I should have brought something, but I didn't think of it until too late. Oops. It was okay, but I don't really know the cousins because I've only met them all of three times. Some of them are only 5 years younger than me, but we have nothing in common, especially since I'm not much of a drinker and I don't like beer as a rule. For part of it, I felt very alone and out of my element. Add to that some body issues (two of them have had kids and you'd never know...all of the women there were unbelievably skinny) and I was very tempted to haul off somewhere else and read. I wasn't excluded, by any stretch, but I felt like a fat lump with nothing to offer.

We left just before 8 and went across town for tea and mildly inappropriate conversation with Jocasta, a friend [ profile] robigus and I met in senior greek. I needed the contrast, I think. And it was nice to have someone who got my references without having to explain them. I must go back again soon, next time with [ profile] robigus, so we can cackle like a trio of witches over something only considered moderately amusing by someone else.

Today has been very relaxing. Breakfast at Ethel's, followed by a long and winding route home. It's a gorgeous day and it was a good walk back. We stopped at a brand new dollar store (Dollar Fusion, corner of King N and Young) along the way. It's pretty darned good. We picked up a few things we needed as we poked around. I noticed that they had canvas bracelets in a punk style (metal studs and snaps). They didn't fit, sadly, but if you're looking for that sort of thing and don't want (p)leather, you can go there. We even walked past a house and had quick look around the property. It only made us want it more. Now if only we had money.
I still haven't found gainful employ. Damn. I can only give it one more week, though, because my bills won't pay themselves. The Evil Cable Company doesn't want me. Nobody else seems to want me. And I can't take four months to find work (it happened once, which is why I ended up counting other people's shit and wishing I was dead instead of on the road to OFS yet again). My choices are, unfortunately, very very limited. So, I'm left with this, it seems...get something else by the end of next week or it's back to the Hell that Goes Up.

I really really don't want to go back. But it looks like I won't have any other option.

(no subject)

Sep. 6th, 2005 03:57 pm
valkryor: (Default)
I have had no choice but to listen to someone jackhammering all day. Enough already! Unless you want to have the entire jackhammer shoved up your fundament!

(no subject)

Aug. 22nd, 2005 11:57 am
valkryor: (Wings)
The hand cast came today. It was packaged in a lovely box and well padded so it wouldn't get damaged by Canada Post. The size of the hand is very very small.

It seems like such a cheap and tawdry consolation prize in comparison.

You can't have your daughter, but you can have this lovely imprint made of her hand (2-4 weeks for delivery).

I'd rather have my daughter, if it's all the same to you.

(no subject)

Aug. 21st, 2005 12:20 pm
valkryor: (Default)
In an attempt to use the computer, I sat in the chair and started to swing around to face the desk. Imagine my surprise when it felt like I had just stepped on a splinter or a piece of glass. So I brought my foot up to see what it was that's jabbing (and causing quite a bit of pain) into the fleshy part of the toe that's next to the little one.

I had just stepped on a wasp.

Needless to say, I was horrified and I shook my foot violently to dislodge the offensive insect. I was freaked out, not having been stung in over twenty years. Then, responding to my cries of "I've been stung!", [ profile] fuzzpsych had to come to my aid and kill the stupid thing. My hero.

So now I have ice in a tea towel wrapped around that toe to keep the swelling down. But until it stops stinging, I'm not going to be doing much walking.

(no subject)

Aug. 13th, 2005 10:15 pm
valkryor: (Wings)
Well, it's done. All of Shannon's things are packed up and/or disassembled and ready to be shipped to Guelph tomorrow morning where they will stay in my in-laws' crawl space until we decide if we're going to have another child or not.

In some ways, it's good to get the space back so we can figure out how we're going to make use of it. In other ways, it drives home the point that Shannon really is gone.


(no subject)

Aug. 11th, 2005 12:22 pm
valkryor: (Default)
I found absolutely nothing today.

The pickings were pretty slim at the Job Bank, but when I checked, I had a very nasty shock. When I check the listings at workopolis, I click the little box that says "Employer Ads Only". Today, that meant there were only 11 jobs (and nothing that I wanted to apply for). So, to compare, I clicked the "Staffing Agency Ads Only" button and searched again. There were 112 jobs listed.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

I don't want to deal with a staffing agency. It looks to me like the company that is dealing with them to do their hiring is too bloody lazy to do it themselves. And I've heard enough horror stories about agencies that screw over the clients in terms of pay and seniority to be not only wary but also completely turned off by the idea of them.

I agree that they're good for temp work, though. And in that they serve a purpose. But for anything permanent, I smell a scam put forth by both that agency and the company using them.

(no subject)

Aug. 1st, 2005 08:32 pm
valkryor: (Wings)
Part of me wants to cry, but I have nothing. My heart hurts, though. An incredible loss like a black hole that sucks everything else in as it grows and threatens to consume all of me. Fuck.
We're back in Toronto now. It was good being home, even if only for a day. My poor kitties...they must think we hate them or up after weeks of being gone only to leave again for an indeterminate amount of time. And I know they miss us. Drizzle slept beside [ profile] fuzzpsych the entire night! And Franklin was my bud from about 5 am on. They'll be okay, though (provided, of course, that Franklin stops sleeping in the crib...he probably misses the baby and all, but if he intends to keep that up after we get back, he'll be sadly mistaken).

Taking the train this morning was a good idea. Some of the trip is along wooded ravines and over makes it feel very secret and very safe and is a hell of a lot less stressful than being on a bus.

They didn't really find out anything useful from the brochioscopy, but another chest x-ray still showed the lungs whited out (not good). The current thought is some compressed air and a greater inflation of her lungs while she's on the ECMO will help, but we still don't know if it's an infection or an inflamation. If the compressed air is the ticket, then they'll start weaning her off the ECMO. If not...well, I don't know what will happen then.

When we got there, Shannon's heart wasn't being paced (yay!), but they want her to keep her heart rate above 100 bpm and when she started to straddle that line, they paced her again. But for 2.5 hrs, she was on her own. And she doesn't have any bleeding going on in her brain. With the amount of heparin they have her on, she gets to have her head ultrasounded every two days to look for any aberrant bleeding. Today, they found none. Which is good. Brain bleeds are a scary thing.

(no subject)

Jul. 5th, 2005 05:07 am
valkryor: (Default)
The only thing I was really looking forward to was sleeping in my own bed with my own pillow. In our absence, the pillows were switched and now I can't get back to sleep.

(no subject)

Jul. 3rd, 2005 06:33 pm
valkryor: (Default)
I feel so empty. And I'm finding it harder and harder to go to the hospital, but everytime I leave I'm afraid something else is going to go wrong. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. But it just never fucking ends.

I don't want to lose my baby.

(no subject)

Jul. 3rd, 2005 09:11 am
valkryor: (Default)
The pager went off twice last night. The first time to tell us that they were going to be switching to the oscillator and the second came two hours later...they had to put Shannon on the ECHMO (heart-lung machine, or more formerly extracorperal membrane oxygenation). After nearly two weeks intubated in the CCU, her lungs are failing.

The ECHMO is a last ditch attempt. If she can't handle going off of it, then there is nothing left.

She can recover from this, the only question that matters is will she?

(no subject)

Jul. 1st, 2005 01:44 am
valkryor: (Default)
Back now. Shannon's still off the heart/lung machine, but there's a possibility that she'll need to go back on it tonight (some bloodwork says she doesn't need it, some says she still it's a judgement call). They'll call if that's the case.

Major medications: heparin, morphine, dopamine and epinephrine.

So tired.

And that's the last fucking time I mention going to a movie before we even get to the hospital in the morning. It's become a curse.

(no subject)

Jun. 30th, 2005 09:38 am
valkryor: (Default)
And just because my life wasn't messed up enough, I now have to deal with the menstrual hormonal rollercoaster on top of all of the hospital funness. Oh joy.

More Surgery

Jun. 27th, 2005 12:47 pm
valkryor: (Default)
We just found out that Shannon needs to go in for another round of surgery. Her pulmonary arteries have too much excess tissue and it's starting to kink and fold in on itself a little like an intestine, which is not ideal. The hope is that this will solve the low oxygen saturation levels and aid in her recovery.

We have no time limit for the surgery itself, since this is a tweaking of sorts and not a standard procedure. It could take three hours or ten. We've already been told by Dr Calderone, the surgeon, to not watch the clock.


EDIT: The surgery is set for tomorrow (Tuesday). Shannon's first case, so if it all goes according to plan, she should be in the OR at 8 am. Sorry about the confusion on the time.

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