(no subject)

Jul. 24th, 2005 11:04 am
valkryor: (Default)
It was strange sleeping in my own bed last night. It wasn't very comfortable. Which means that I'm getting used to sleeping on an air mattress. Yippee.

But it was good to get out and LARP last night. Even though it was fast time, I needed to be someone else for a few hours. Very good for the psyche, especially after the beating it's taken over the past few weeks.

My kitties are happy that we're home. I wish we could stay, but we have a bigger obligation laying drugged out in a hospital crib at Sick Kids, so it's back to Toronto today.

Hopefully we'll be home soon to stay. I'm getting tired of having to make special arrangements to be in my apartment and it's becoming quite apparent that while my sister will never say anything, it's time for us to go.

Two weeks. Maybe three. It all depends, now, on how well Shannon can be weaned off the ventilator. After that, it's all gravy.
We're back in Toronto now. It was good being home, even if only for a day. My poor kitties...they must think we hate them or something...show up after weeks of being gone only to leave again for an indeterminate amount of time. And I know they miss us. Drizzle slept beside [livejournal.com profile] fuzzpsych the entire night! And Franklin was my bud from about 5 am on. They'll be okay, though (provided, of course, that Franklin stops sleeping in the crib...he probably misses the baby and all, but if he intends to keep that up after we get back, he'll be sadly mistaken).

Taking the train this morning was a good idea. Some of the trip is along wooded ravines and over rivers...it makes it feel very secret and very safe and is a hell of a lot less stressful than being on a bus.

They didn't really find out anything useful from the brochioscopy, but another chest x-ray still showed the lungs whited out (not good). The current thought is some compressed air and a greater inflation of her lungs while she's on the ECMO will help, but we still don't know if it's an infection or an inflamation. If the compressed air is the ticket, then they'll start weaning her off the ECMO. If not...well, I don't know what will happen then.

When we got there, Shannon's heart wasn't being paced (yay!), but they want her to keep her heart rate above 100 bpm and when she started to straddle that line, they paced her again. But for 2.5 hrs, she was on her own. And she doesn't have any bleeding going on in her brain. With the amount of heparin they have her on, she gets to have her head ultrasounded every two days to look for any aberrant bleeding. Today, they found none. Which is good. Brain bleeds are a scary thing.

(no subject)

Jun. 10th, 2005 08:40 am
valkryor: (Default)
I got jolted awake this morning by a crying baby. I roll out of bed, put on my glasses and go to see what the fuss is about. As I step around the corner to look into the crib, my foot makes contact with something cold and wet. What the...? One of the cats yakked me a present and I've just stepped in it. Great.

The baby's fine (it may have been a nightmare or even the sudden noise of a garbage truck), but now I really have to pee, so I hobble to the bathroom, careful about not putting my pukey foot on the floor and empty my bladder. Then I clean up my foot and the two puddles of yak (one on the hardwood that I stepped in and the other on the rug) before feeding the baby (who, thankfully, wasn't screaming for food).

I don't think anyone would call this an ideal morning. :P

(no subject)

May. 17th, 2005 01:22 pm
valkryor: (Default)
It feels like I get no relief.

I take care of the baby, my husband and the cats.

When is someone going to take care of me?

(Or did I waive that priviledge when my daughter made her first raspy cries?)

(no subject)

May. 11th, 2005 10:37 pm
valkryor: (Default)
For some reason I wasn't able to update last night...everytime I did a mouse-over on the dark blue bar just under the LJ logo, I got nada and I wasn't going to download a client just for the priviledge, so I didn't bother.

Completely Random Neat Thing but Unrelated to the Rest of the Post Update: My hoya is in bloom. I bought it at the symphony sale last year and I wasn't expecting flowers so soon. It's very fragrant and reminds me a little of home, since my mom had a ginormous one growing in the kitchen that would bloom on occasion.

Actual Update: The power was out for five hours today. Apparently, a transfer line at King and Northfield got taken out, leaving what was supposed to be only a few blocks on either side without power. Well, it was those few blocks and some pretty freaking big pockets (like all the way back to Weber and Erb). [livejournal.com profile] joncanuck popped by so I wouldn't die of boredom because I literally had nothing else to do.

The power's back (obviously), so now I can do computer stuff or read or watch television. Damn I miss electricity when it's not available to me.

I'm also trying to figure out why the only emotion I feel in its full spectrum is anger. It seems that everything I do turns to shit, that I can do nothing right and even small victories (like, for example, I read an entire novel yesterday. Okay, it was Terry Pratchett and not that difficult a read, but reading isn't something I do a lot of anymore) feel empty and hollow. So I feel like a disappointment (not on the public humiliation level that eventually gets laughed off and forgotten, but at the intimate level, where it sits like a scab to be picked at) to my nearest and dearest, and it gets translated into anger. Anger that I direct at the baby, my husband and the cats.

Nothing changes. I'm still in the same position treading water while everyone around me is getting on with their lives. And I'm stuck.

I had quite a large inheritance when my father died and I know I squandered a lot more of it than I should have, but I'm so tired of apologizing for to the universe for it. I'm sorry, okay? Just leave me alone.

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