Silence is Golden: A Public Apology

[valkryor]

It has dawned on me finally that very little of what I say is worth hearing. Lately, it seems, a lot of what comes out of my mouth is inappropriate, hurtful or some combination of both. Which makes the remainder meaningless drivel at best.

And when I try to say something that means something to me, I end up making a mess of things, usually butchering what I was trying to get across and hurting someone else in the process. This leaves me writing an apology or an explanation, worried that if I do say it, I'll fuck things up even more.

So, I guess this is a public apology for anything I said that caused you grief or anger or sadness because I'm an unthinking lout. I'm sorry.

I can't even be certain that it won't happen again and for that, I apologize, too. My dad always used to tell me that my mouth was in gear but my brain was in neutral. And as much as I hate to admit it, he was far more accurate than he could ever know.

I bet you're all thinking to yourselves, "well, you've made a public apology for something a lot of us have done at one time or another, now what?" It's very simple, really. Since most of what comes out of my mouth is worthless thoughtless garbage, why speak at all?

If someone asks me a question, I'll answer it as not doing so is phenomenally rude. But I'm going to do my best not to speak if there's no reason to. And maybe this way I won't hurt anyone else with an unwitting comment.

Comments

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

Um...I don't know what happened to trigger this, but just for the record you have *never* done or said anything that I've found even remotely objectionable.

[boozymatic.livejournal.com]

I could say lots of things that you don't need/want to hear (you've been under a lot of stress, adapting to new changes, etc. etc. etc.). But I won't. All that I will say is remember that utterances are coloured by the perceptions of the person hearing them.

I hope that you don't clamp down on what you need to say - it's not healthy. I've felt the same way you seem to be feeling right now. Believe me, the darkness will pass. Take care of yourself. *hugs*

[carolep.livejournal.com]

didn't we TALK about this the other day? That you're blunt, and that's cool... and people who value honesty (blunt or not) tend to gravitate to where they find it?

you're a smart woman, and I like talking to you, so no clamming up.

[valkryor.livejournal.com]

I was having a perfectly shitty day and it seemed the valid response at the time. It's not valid, I know that now, but it seemed right.

[valkryor.livejournal.com]

Yes, ma'am.

[valkryor.livejournal.com]

I feel like I'm going backwards again and that I'm forgetting how to move forward. It's not a good feeling.

[carolep.livejournal.com]

hee hee hee.