Brain currently booting in Safe Mode

I feel better today. I dunno. I guess I just needed to get the ick out by letting others know that I was feeling bad.

Thank you to clawfoot, lovecraftienne, the_daily_rant, robertom for the kind words, and also to joncanuck and meowster for being on Messenger when I needed someone to be there. Damned near everything about this entire experience is a great big bowl of ass sucking cherry pits and being in limbo only emphasizes the bad bits.

So. Um. Yeah. Thanks and all that. :)

I'm so stressed out my eczema is coming back on my left pinkie. Just what I need. :P

And until the wee one is in hospital, no movies for us. Sorry about that, clawfoot. :( But if you want to stop by and hang out or something, that can happen. Just give us a call.

In other (and probably more important) news, Shannon rolled over for the first time yesterday. It seems like she's late, but if she's anything like my sister, she's doing things in her own sweet time. :)

For some reason I wasn't able to update last night...everytime I did a mouse-over on the dark blue bar just under the LJ logo, I got nada and I wasn't going to download a client just for the priviledge, so I didn't bother.

Completely Random Neat Thing but Unrelated to the Rest of the Post Update: My hoya is in bloom. I bought it at the symphony sale last year and I wasn't expecting flowers so soon. It's very fragrant and reminds me a little of home, since my mom had a ginormous one growing in the kitchen that would bloom on occasion.

Actual Update: The power was out for five hours today. Apparently, a transfer line at King and Northfield got taken out, leaving what was supposed to be only a few blocks on either side without power. Well, it was those few blocks and some pretty freaking big pockets (like all the way back to Weber and Erb). joncanuck popped by so I wouldn't die of boredom because I literally had nothing else to do.

The power's back (obviously), so now I can do computer stuff or read or watch television. Damn I miss electricity when it's not available to me.

I'm also trying to figure out why the only emotion I feel in its full spectrum is anger. It seems that everything I do turns to shit, that I can do nothing right and even small victories (like, for example, I read an entire novel yesterday. Okay, it was Terry Pratchett and not that difficult a read, but reading isn't something I do a lot of anymore) feel empty and hollow. So I feel like a disappointment (not on the public humiliation level that eventually gets laughed off and forgotten, but at the intimate level, where it sits like a scab to be picked at) to my nearest and dearest, and it gets translated into anger. Anger that I direct at the baby, my husband and the cats.

Nothing changes. I'm still in the same position treading water while everyone around me is getting on with their lives. And I'm stuck.

I had quite a large inheritance when my father died and I know I squandered a lot more of it than I should have, but I'm so tired of apologizing for to the universe for it. I'm sorry, okay? Just leave me alone.

Thank you to all of those who had said that they would miss my posts and that I actually had something worth reading.

I wasn't boring, but just fucking bored. I felt uninteresting because I have spent the last little while living from tending to the baby to tending to the baby (feeding, diaper changes, cuddles, etc etc etc), going nowhere in particular (running out and picking up milk doesn't count as going somewhere) and doing nothing special. It was really starting to wear me down and I managed to convince myself that I was really a boring person with nothing of importance to say.

But the difference between boring and bored is something can be done about the bored, but the boring is ingrained and only really curable with shock treatment. Lots and lots of shock treatment...

So, I've been trying to find ways to be less bored, mostly so I don't go completely mad and convince myself that I really belong in Botswana living in a hut somewhere.

joncanuck and the ever-lovely the_daily_rant stopped by a couple of nights ago and hung out. It was truly what I needed. So thank you. :)

And the night before that, shock and amazement, Molly stopped by on her way home from school completely out of the blue! So now I'm playing an online Scrabble game against her and losing horribly. But that's what I figured would happen, so I'm just enjoying playing, because there's no point in getting upset. Soon, though, we should have her over for a game of Super Scrabble (twice the tiles, twice the board and quadruple scores!), just to reconnect.

I finally got around to doing some writing again last night. I hadn't looked at my latest novel since February! and it was time to pick up the thread again. I'm writing the end of it now, mostly because that's what I've been thinking about and if things are explained to the reader (and also to the writer..:P), then hopefully the other segments will come together a lot easier.

I found a house that was feasible for us to acquire. It's on Strange St, right at Park. It's small, and cute in a butt-ugly way, but financially within reach. You can look for yourselves here or here. I'm probably setting myself up to be crushed, but we really really have to move. And soon.

And I don't have to go back to therapy! Yay! I was finding that it really wasn't doing anything and since my life has gone back to a mostly even-keeled status, we're just wasting each other's time. I can call her, though, if I need to in future. So, I still have that as an option should I need it.

(EDIT: As an aside, for some reason, I prefer sex in the morning. Maybe because it's such an incredible way to kick start the day. But if I can get it in the afternoon, boy howdy! you'd better believe that I'll take it. And when it was offered earlier, how could I say no?)

So that is what you've been missing. It's still not terribly interesting, but since you want to read it, there it is...

Rabbit Sabbath was fun. We brought two more to the ceremony last night, so that meant that it was me, fuzzpsych, clawfoot, the_daily_rant, joncanuck, Robigus and Tabula Rasa. Tabula Rasa cried throughout the entire ceremony, including her baptism, but that was expected by hare_mengele and his lovely wife, so no worries there.

She was pretty freaked out, actually, so fuzzpsych spent the majority of the evening in another room keeping her calm. At least he got a piece of the Guinness Chocolate Cake that I made for the event.

I will post pictures of Tabula Rasa in her outfit when I get them. She was adorable. :)

And now onto the ranty bit...

Today, I was coming out of the local Tim Hortons with coffee and goodies when I noticed the old man who exited afer me go to his car. Now he was parked in the handicap space and I know that the asphalt gently slopes up towards the sidewalk leaving a very minimal (about 2 cm) lip between them. And old guy had to lean on the hood of his car so he could get to the driver's side door!

Okay, so correct me if I'm wrong, but if you need support (the arm of another person, a railing, etc) to go down a slope that a just-learned-to-walk toddler can manage, do you really think that you should be driving?

I haven't updated for a few days because I've had nothing to say.

Although seeing joncanuck and the_daily_rant was very good and very calming after a my in-laws stopped by in the afternoon. To be honest, the in-laws were fine, but my mother-in-law was wearing a gag-worthy amount of perfume. fuzzpsych didn't notice it, even though he's more sensitive to perfume than I am, which is strange considering how everytime she got near me I did my best to hide my discomfort.

Tomorrow more friends come over for a paperwork roleplaying session. After 7.5 years in one campaign with Taellin and Dulthgaeia, I'm no stranger to stupid amounts of paperwork. I have a feeling, though, this will be much more interactive and more relaxing despite any demands Tabula might make on me.