Brain currently booting in Safe Mode

Some days are great. Others start out rough and stay that way. Today? Today started out rough, had a lovely remote gaming session, and has turned rough again.

( It started with shit. )

My gaming session ended up with looking at rude marginalia and laughing over the dirty dirty illustrations left by monks and scribes hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Some of them are WILD, and if you are ever in need of a good laugh, then by all means, give it a search and look through the images. My particular favourites are the butt trumpets (which is a perfect representation for the internet and social media), the scrotal bagpipes, penis trees, and weird animals.

After dinner, and as I was starting the dishes, I was walking towards the bedroom to throw yesterday's dish cloth into the laundry hamper. I had a headache (that finally seems to have abated thanks to ibuprofen) and closed my eyes to ease it.

And walked right into a fucking CD rack.

Two boxsets fell off the top, and only one of those onto the floor (the other landed on a chair), but the real damage was to my foot. I don't know if I broke a toe (one of them swelled like a mofo), and if I did, there's nothing that can be done. I am icing it as I type this and trying not to move my foot around too much. Tomorrow, it's probably going to be pretty purples and blues.

It started with shit. And it's now evolved into a possible broken toe. This is just one of those days.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/london/queer-activist-says-education-minister-s-comments-could-undermine-kids-safety-1.6950592

Have I mentioned yet how much I hate Stephen Lecce? Because I really fucking do. He's such a fucking bonehead who would fail basic orienteering even with a map and precisely detailed instructions. And I bet he's wondering if he could get away with introducing this kind of policy amid all of the Ford government Green Belt backlash and the very real possibility of strike action by most of the teachers.

You know, just sneak in the kind of nonsense that does nothing to help or protect children whilst no one is looking. I just...*seethes* *takes a breath* I'm gonna be over here, getting violent with a pot of cooked potatoes instead, since that's legal and he's not worth the jail time.

Yesterday, I decided to wear compression socks. My feets were a little chilly and the swelling has been particularly bad, so it made sense at the time. I decided against wearing long pants, though, and put on a pair of shorts.

With my knees exposed, I felt like I was undressed, drawers and stockings and oh gods, I need to cover up because I'm hanging out all over the place.

It was so friggen WEIRD. If I had taken off the socks, I wouldn't have had the cognitive dissonance. When I went to the loo, my knees were covered long enough for my skin to notice the temperature change and fucking hell, there's that feeling that I need to get dressed again.

My brain was having some issues, I tell you want.

- Second shot tomorrow. It is both a relief and anxiety inducing. Most of the anxiety is on account of other people, and I fucking hate it.

- My mouth is healing up, as is Declan's. He had dental surgery to remove his shork teeth on Tuesday. He is not a fan of the salt rinses, but then again, neither am I. I can only hope that having a parent going through the same thing is a help.

- And, because I'm me, the glass I had been using for that purpose exploded last night. I had just finished up my rinse, then put the spoon in the glass. THE GLASS EXPLODED IN MY HAND. Not cracked, not broke, shattered. So that was fun. I think I got all of it (one never knows with the force of exploding glass), and I did get one very tiny scratch on my pinky finger. I would say it was exciting, but it was more terrifying than anything.

- We also went out for ice cream last night. Four All was donating all of their proceeds to Land Back Camp. Tasty ice cream? Good cause? Yes, please. The line was long (and got longer once we were waiting for a while), and there were a fair number of orange shirts, too.

- The city is still cleaning up after Tuesday's storm. Right now, they're mulching the massive branches that came down from the maple in front of our building. It's loud and a bit sad, because it was a lovely old maple, but it could not withstand the strength of that wind. Possibly more rain today, too. There was even a thunderstorm in the wee smalls this morning where we lost power quite a few times; I slept through it.

Last week, two children died from influenza strain B in Guelph. This is tragic and heartbreaking but also makes me fucking angry.

My clock radio is set to CBC Radio One. I like to wake up and listen to the news or the guest spots. I've heard some impassioned people, and some exasperated ones, and even a friend *waves at C*. What I heard this morning... There is too much. Lemme sum up.

There was a segment with bits of previously recorded interviews spliced together. One was a public health employee, another was the father of one of the children who had died from the flu. The father was, understandably, grief stricken. At one point, he wished that there was a warning.

Still in bed, I rolled toward the radio and snarked, "it's called a flu shot."

Or, I don't know, HISTORY?

I know that the flu pandemic of 1918 isn't lodged in people's brains like it is mine, but it really should be. When you have the flu, you wish you were dead. For some, that wish becomes a reality. Influenza is nothing to sneeze at.

And as for the flu shot? Okay. It has a 55% success rate. It doesn't seem like much, but it is better than flipping a coin. I would rather have partial protection than none at all. Not just for myself, but for those around me who can't get the shot for legitimate reasons (and religious objection is NOT legitimate).

The signs go up around the beginning of November and come down in March. You can get the flu shot at health clinics, the doctor's office, most pharmacies. FOR FREE. All you need is your health card and to show up. There is literally NO EXCUSE not to get one. NONE. Okay, if you have kids and you go the pharmacy route, you have to call around to find out if they have any of the child vaccine, which is different, but that is it.

I never used to get the flu shot. I thought it was stupid and weird. THEN I had a daughter who had a heart condition and needed vaccination against RSV. This virus is so common that pretty much everyone has had it by the time they are six. Runny noses and sniffles are, at best, annoyances for most. For others? Deadly. The vaccination is also hella expensive, too, which is why the use is very limited. $3000 a shot is certifiably nuts.

After Declan was born, flu shots became a regular thing. And now that he's been diagnosed with Autosomal Polycystic Kidney Disease, it is a necessity.

I don't know if either of those kids who passed had been vaccinated or not, or if that information would ever be released if they were. I am leaning towards no, they were not because people, in general, tend to have a 'it can't happen to me' mentality. It seems to me that the flu shot is more widely available than those of us who have been vaccinated and with no excuse, I don't know why.

About a month ago, Declan got a free admission for the circus from his school for donating to the Food Bank. I...did not want to go. I knew I would not really enjoy myself and that it would be very draining for me. And hey, look, I went, found most of it to be 'meh' and and now feeling like I've been kicked repeatedly by a mule.

Some of it, of course, was really good, but there was so much that was...there. And the prices of things? Yeesh. $5 for popcorn/cotton candy is a bit steep, and $10 for a pony ride is an obnoxious cash grab. They were also selling these light sabers swords that were essentially LED lights in plastic housing that flashed. There were so many in my peripheral vision that I could feel a headache coming on. And no, I didn't shell out $15 for Declan to bring one home. Two hours of other people's kids with them was plenty.

I was most impressed by the feats of strength and balance, but I would have to say that the contortionist was my favourite. A lot of the audience was unimpressed, but I have a better idea what it takes to be in a full bridge position and balancing on one foot than some. *shrugs*

And the seats? Too fucking narrow. It feels like my hips are bruised from the arm rests. Okay, yeah, I'm fat, but that was a fucking awful experience.

Declan did enjoy himself, so I guess that's the only thing that matters.

EDIT: I have a bruise, about the size of the armrest, on my right upper thigh/hip. My left side feels bruised, but nothing has come up. Note to self: avoid that place in future. The seats do not agree with you.

Some stuff that has happened:

- the last full week of January was full of appointments, including a trip to Sick Kids to meet with the Nephrology team and some testing for Declan to determine what's up with his kidneys and the cysts.

- when I went in to find out WTF was up with my knee (possible patellofemoral syndrome, which is only 'cured' by eight weeks of physio), got the results of my blood work. It came back normal. You should really see my surprise face on that one. *rolls eyes* The urine test did come back positive for protein (joy) but it's not enough to be worrying. At least it's an easy test to repeat.

- Declan had no protein in his urine and his blood work came back as normal. So there is that.

- having your knee x-rayed is weird. The positions you have to keep it in is very unnatural. The highlight of the entire process? Connecting with another mother who was there with her son. We both agreed that shame was something for other people, especially after you've had someone fondling your cervix with others watching. Yay, childbirth.

- tried to call my shiny new(ish) psychiatrist, since I'm running low on meds. Hahahahaha, no. Apparently, I had a consultancy appointment, and don't actually have a psychiatrist. Cue lots of swearing and gnashing of teeth. Fine, thinks I, it's back to the doc for my meds and make the appointment, which is for this Friday.

- my games continue to truck along. I am finding that Thorn's voice is nearly silent in my head, but Amy's has gotten very loud. You'll have your time to shine, darlin'. But it's not yet.

- I am currently bashing my head against getting a data recovery program to actually work. It's my fault that the information is lost, but it shouldn't be THIS hard to get it back. I am frustrated and about this close to pitching my computer off the roof.

- small victory: picked up Declan from school AND took out the recycling without falling on my ass. It's been raining since this afternoon and freezing, so not slipping and sliding is worth noting.

In an attempt to use the computer, I sat in the chair and started to swing around to face the desk. Imagine my surprise when it felt like I had just stepped on a splinter or a piece of glass. So I brought my foot up to see what it was that's jabbing (and causing quite a bit of pain) into the fleshy part of the toe that's next to the little one.

I had just stepped on a wasp.

Needless to say, I was horrified and I shook my foot violently to dislodge the offensive insect. I was freaked out, not having been stung in over twenty years. Then, responding to my cries of "I've been stung!", fuzzpsych had to come to my aid and kill the stupid thing. My hero.

So now I have ice in a tea towel wrapped around that toe to keep the swelling down. But until it stops stinging, I'm not going to be doing much walking.

Okay...so now what?

Things were better today. After the rocky start and the crash, there was some improvement. Before Shannon went into the Cath Lab, the doctors and nurses were tense and falsely hopeful. After, the hope was genuine and the relief was obvious.

It's really odd when you're waving to doctors in the hallway because you know who they are. It's not unpleasant, but it is a reminder that we've spent too much freaking time in that hospital. One of the nurses that looked after Shannon when she was in a step-down room on 4D noticed that we were waiting in the Surgical Lounge and came in to talk to us. Today, while Shannon was in the Cath Lab, she came in again to see how things were. It was comforting, in a way, if a bit strange...mostly on account of her being from Elmira and having worked with Shannon's paediatrician. Small world, indeed.

Dried cantaloupe is really tasty.

Walking down Yonge, there was a mounted policeman. There is definitely a dichotomy between the horse (which was a lovely chocolate brown) and the flak jacket and firearm. On the way back from seeing "Madagascar", we passed a group of fairies. I'm not being derogatory, either. It was a group of gay men dressed in pink leotards with tutus and carrying fairy wands. :)