Brain currently booting in Safe Mode

It's been a week.

But, valkryor, you say, it's only Monday.

And to that I reply, yes, yes it is.

Working backward starting today:

Monday - End of July always sucks. Today, it's been 19 years since we lost Shannon. 19! I'm not bawling my eyes out every five minutes or anything so obvious, but I'm flat and gray and glum all the same. We did do groceries this morning, so that's one less thing anyone has to deal with. Oh, and because today isn't 'fun' enough, I think I'm coming down with something. What that something is, or even if it is a thing, I do not know. Whee.

Sunday - Was okay, but kind of meh as it's been 22 years since Gus the big Mean Bunny died. I miss him a lot, even if he could be a cantankerous ass about the weirdest things.

Saturday - Best day of the lot. It was ostensibly a game day, but clawfoot, Ironstone, and I are making up for the time lost during the Great Panini. Yes, we still gamed, which was great, but in person beats online any day of the week. Good times, good conversation, and one actual combat. It was enough. :)

Friday - Mammogram and Ultrasound. Yeah. That just sucks even when you're not facing down the Worst Weekend. I'm not entirely reassured by the number of pictures taken during the ultrasound, especially in places where I didn't find anything; it has been hovering at the edge of my thoughts since. Good times. I also lost a chunk of writing (I use Docs on my phone when I'm out and about) and I have no fucking clue where it went. It was there and then it wasn't. I likely fat-fingered something. Not improving my mood was dealing with public transportation. It was ostensibly fine, and yet... While it wasn't cramped or overly crowded, every bus I took over the two days of appointments was BUSY. Lots of stops, lots of movement of passengers. Which is fine, but I had had enough by the time I had to catch my bus to come home.

Thursday - A dental appointment. I mean, a cleaning and exam isn't that bad all things considering, but with the impending mammogram/ultrasound and the Worst Weekend? We'll just say that "dental anxiety" wasn't on my bingo card this year. Oh, and I have work that needs to be done at the end of August. JOY.

Here's hoping that the thing that wants to invade is nothing more than a stress response to the Worst Week and not an actual virus. I am not a fan of either, but at least the stress response isn't contagious. Super annoying, sure, but I won't make anyone else sick.

So. Let's see. Some things:

- today is a Weather Impacted Learning Day on account of freezing rain. So, that's something. I mean, I get it, freezing rain is NASTY, but I was hoping to have a nice, quiet day today and that's not going to happen. I do feel a little guilty for ordering some stuff from Amazon last night, because driving in this weather is hot garbage.

- I pulled the plug and purchased a waffle iron. I've wanted one for a while, have a place to store it (which is key), and it wasn't a billionty dollars. Before my dental appointment yesterday, I stopped into a drugstore to pick up a few things. There were five items, and the bill was $35 and change. Everything, save one, was a sale item, and the regular prices were STUPID expensive for what they are. I was suffering some sticker shock, especially as I went in for a bamboo toothbrush, only found models that were imbued with charcoal (?) and cost $9. So, yeah, I bought more from Amazon, because two extra soft brushes for $12 without charcoal (which seems so fucking scammy to me) is a much better deal.

- I always feel guilty when I buy something from Amazon. I hate their business model and how exploitative it is. I try to limit my spending through there as much as possible for that reason.

- dental anxiety always hits me, even if I'm not feeling it at the time. It's why I needed the afternoon nap, that's for damn sure.

- the books I've been reading have been...meh. Maybe I'm picking the wrong ones? I dunno. Reading lack lustre novels is so draining because it makes me not WANT to read. Gonna see if I can get my mojo back with my next one. *fingers crossed*

- even though we are no longer under any kind of mask mandate (aside from post secondary institutions and medical places), I did notice a lot of people still wearing one (me, included). When I was out on Saturday, I was strongly reminded of this: if someone can't or won't wear a mask properly, then that person is going to lie about a zombie bite.

The tooth is finally fucking out of my face.

The ativan was...not great. Very close, in fact, to not being on a damn thing. I remember every tooth-grinding crunch and the drill to get out the very last bit of root. And I got to taste whatever they're using for Novocaine these days. Imagine the worst sour and bitter spunk that you've ever had the misfortune of tasting. It was worse. Ew.

I'm tired. And my mouth is still bleeding. I'm hungry, too, which isn't helping, but I can't really eat anything until the bleeding has stopped. I think I'm gonna wait for little while longer, then eat my lime jello, then have a nap. I didn't do much, and yet I am exhausted.

I have a gum boil. It's as gross as it sounds.

They usually come about for two reasons: 1) poor oral hygiene, or 2) dying tooth. As I have a dying tooth that I'm already planning to get pulled (a cracked tooth that can't be saved), I'm not too worried about it. It doesn't hurt, at least, so that's something. It is, though, leaving a weird taste in my mouth that I could live without, so I'm going to start salt water rinses to deal with it.

Also, the weather has been pretty fucking glorious lately. Paul and I got out for a walk on Thursday because we are both in desperate need of more exercise. We went to a local trail and there were butterflies (possibly mourning cloaks) and a woodpecker (looked to be a female downy) and very few people. It was lovely, actually.

My knitting continues apace. It's slow. I'm still on the same sock, but I'm working on the tube part and continental knitting feels really natural to me. The pattern I'm using is supposed to yield two socks from 100g of wool. I'm not halfway through the tube section and I've already knitted ~25g. ON ONE SOCK. Yes, I did have to scale up the pattern into something that would fit my foot/ankle, but it should not have made that huge of a difference. At least I was mistakenly sent another skein of the same colourway, so I'm not completely fucking screwed.

Not much else of note has been happening. Pandemic is still pandemicking on. I've had my first dose of the vaccine, with the second already booked for late July. My only real 'side effect' was my anxiety being a complete butt, which is a total 'me' problem. Ugh.

Welp. I managed to get into the dentist before my appointment next week.

Good thing, too.

Last night, I couldn't sleep because the pain was phenomenal. The only thing that helped was very cold water and it never lasted very long before I needed to drink a little more. I don't think I got more than five minutes at a stretch and on the couch, as laying down amps up the pain something fierce. So when I called the dentist office first thing, I was, to be fucking blunt, miserable.

I think I got up to pee more times last night than I did when I was heavily pregnant with either of my two. Add to that the frequent handwashing that has only exacerbated the patch of eczema on my right hand.

Today has been...not great. I can't chew anything without pain, so it was soft foods or liquids and nothing hot. I even had my morning tea when it was room temperature, which was kind of gross, but also caffeine, so I drank it down. So, between the sheer amount of cold water I've been drinking for pain management (as nothing else was working anymore), and the liquid diet, I've been both a little nauseous and incredibly hungry all damn day.

BUT, I now have a diagnosis: one of my lower molars is dying, specifically the first or 6-year molar on the right side. I've already had the same thing happen on the left (also the 6-year molar), which is why I had a fancy new fake tooth put in two years ago.

I got scrips for pain management, inflammation, and, most importantly, antibiotics. As it is likely that the tooth itself is cracked and can't be saved, I'm totally fine with having the damn thing removed. So I get to go back to the dental surgeon and have my tooth forcibly removed from my face once the referral goes through. Joy.

At least, now, I know what it is, that it's totally treatable, and soon coffee/tea won't betray me.

I had a dental appointment on Wednesday - a cleaning and check up, nothing major found and no other work needed until my next appointment in June. In June, they'll do x-rays and the cleaning, with the likelihood of them finding anything is low. With my dental anxiety, not having any other work done is just fucking fine with me, thanks.

Although, I experienced something I've never experienced before during my Wednesday appointment. The hygienist was polishing my teeth and I got really irritated. This wasn't a passive I-am-feeling-irritation because that's pretty common with dental work being done, but full on actively being irritated.

It was weird, and the novelty wore off pretty quickly. The only consolation is that my dental cleanings are few and far between.

I had a dental appointment this morning to make mouth/tooth molds for my new 'appliance'. Three different molding materials, two different mouth trays, and one GNARLY aftertaste.

I had shawarma with garlic sauce and pickles and tabouleh for lunch, then coffee, then gum to get rid of the coffee after-bitterness AND STILL that molding crud taste lived on. I had to brush my teeth and tongue to banish most of it. If I really think about it, it's there, like some memory of gag-worthy jizz that you can't spit out fast enough.

In three weeks, I get to spend an OUTRAGEOUS amount for a crown. None of which will be covered by insurance because it's vain to want all of your teeth and to chew on both sides of your mouth.

I finally got back from having my mouth raped cavity filled. I have that drooly dog mouth feeling. I'm not actually drooling, but it feels that way. Even drinking water is something I have to think about so half of it doesn't end up down the front of my shirt. I had to buy milk plus a few other things for work tomorrow and I treated myself to some licorice tea. Small problem, if water requires thought and care, something hot might not be so clever. Maybe, after the freezing has worn off, I'll have some tonight. And, to top it all off, I forgot to buy bus tickets. Crap.