Brain currently booting in Safe Mode

Some things:

I had a dental appointment today, a cleaning and exam. I got told that I should be going more often - every six months instead of every nine - and I declined. Yes, I can go twice a year, get in two cleanings and one exam, OR I can not push my dental anxiety anymore than I already do. My last appointment - three small fillings - was fucking traumatic, and cleanings are bad enough as it is. Yes, I should go more often, but I will not. Paying for mental torment is no kink of mine, thanks ever so much.

I think Sunny is lonely. He's been super affectionate lately and has dug out his favourite springs so we can play fetch, something he hasn't done in over a year. The spouse isn't ready for another cat, but only having one just doesn't sit right with me. Will we get a second (and possibly third) cat? Yes. When will this happen? *shrugs* I have no fucking clue.

We continue to be precariously housed. It is...not a great situation to be in. There's a lot of "hurry up and wait" and the uncertainty is a mill stone on my chest.

My reading and writing have fallen off the face of the planet. My brain has not been kind and there has been more than enough nonsense to distract me from the things that I love. Hell, even my crochet and knitting projects have been languishing lately.

To that end, I started something I consider a "mindless" crochet project. The pattern is simple, doesn't require counting, and is a number of two-row repeats. I was gifted some yarn and decided that it would make a nice scarf. It wasn't enough, which is fine, so I dug in my stash to find a very similar colour to finish it off. It wasn't enough again, which is less fine; I have one row left.

So I went to my stash, hoping to find a cream or off-white that would work with not just this scarf but the second one I started today (a just started project is much more public transportation friendly than an almost finished one) and came up empty. I have a lot of different colours, lots of different weights in two garbage bags, an underbed bin, and two tote bags, AND NO CREAM. I need to buy yarn so I can finish these. *le sigh*

It is cold and wet out there, but I have tea and a cozy sweater and comfy pants.

More things:

At the end of February, I had a doctor's appointment (mostly to meet my new doctor as well as get a necessary follow-up ultrasound that was supposed to happen in January). On the way to catch my bus (that I missed), I slipped on some black ice. I thought I had only wrenched it a little, walked to another bus stop (different route) about ten minutes away, caught my transfer, then had to walk from that stop to the office down hill where the footing was not great.

At the end of March, I discovered that I did not simply "wrench my knee a little", but actually twisted it. My chiropractor set everything back to rights and it's been slowly healing. I've already been through this particular song-and-dance, so I know that it will be months before it's back to something resembling normal. Sweet Baby Christ in a minivan, if I could go back in time to counsel my younger self, I would tell her to take care of her knees, 'cause this? This is some bullshit.

Sheldon had a bit of downturn with lots of diarrhea multiple times a day. Not only was it super gross and hella stinky, it was also worrying. So I called the vet, got him in on Tuesday. She didn't like the feel of Sheldon's intestines, calling them "ropy" and suggested an ultrasound. They do it in-house, with a tech coming in soon. As it turned out, "soon" meant Wednesday or Thursday. We also got some medication to help with the runny poops.

I made arrangements to get him in on Wednesday, as I could fit it in after taking my kid to his orthodontic appointment. I also had to dose him with gabapentin two hours before bringing him in. That was both comical and/or horrifying to watch this elderly cat try to do anything while under the influence.

The vet is fairly certain that Sheldon has something called triaditis, which is three organs all acting up at the same time, those being the pancreas (pancreatitis), the small intestines (inflammatory bowels), and the liver (cholangiohepatitis). The only way to determine if it's something more sinister is with a biopsy, and putting a very ill, seventeen-year old cat under anesthesia really does NOT sit well with me. We're going to be giving him steroids, which is the best treatment option at this point.

We continue to be under an eviction notice and are now waiting for the new hearing date (we're trying to get all of us represented by one hearing instead of multiple ones for practically the same paperwork). Not gonna lie, this is more bullshit.

I have been looking for, and failing at, finding work. While I am unsurprised, given my fifteen year job gap, it still blows chunks.

Even with all of this uncertainty, life continues to happen. We even splashed out on a new mattress and box spring because we are over waking up sore and did not do so last year. (Our current mattress and box spring were bought last century and do not owe us a damn thing at this point.)

*heavy sigh*

Why are people so stupid?

I am currently knitting my first pair of mittens for a friend (this same friend destashed his late mother's bags and bags and bags of yarn upon me, so it seemed like an even trade) and have completed the thumb! Okay, yes, it doesn't sound that exciting, but I had to learn a new skill (increases to the left and to the right) as well as adapt the pattern for how I knit, which is not how these mittens were intended to be worked up (in the round on double pointed needles vs in the flat and sewn up after).

After the thumb was thumbed, I thought that I should, you know, weave in my end because it is the one thing that I hate the most and this would get it over with quickly. I have a little case that I naalbound with all of my yarn needles and my naalbinding needles, some stitch markers and safety pins, and a foldable pair of scissors that I bought at SickKids when Shannon was in their care. I picked it up, thought it felt weird, but put that out of mind and opened it up and tipped it out.

Where the hell did all my needles go?

While I do still have two of my naalbinding needles (including the brass replica of an archaeological find gifted by my friend), the scissors and stitch markers and safety pins, I only have one yarn needle. What the actual fuck?

My best guess is this: I had taken my completed owlbear to Declan's orthodontics appointment last week because I had attached the legs unevenly and it made the entire piece wonky. I brought what I needed to take it off and then reattach one of the legs to make it look more even. (Side note: any handmade crochet stuffy is going to be a little wonky. It's the nature of the craft and part of the charm of the finished piece, but I digress.) Because I was working on something that required my needle case, I suspect that the others slid out when I wasn't paying attention and I left them behind in the waiting room. I did not notice that they were gone until yesterday and they weren't at the bottom of a bag temporarily misplaced.

This is more of a bummer than any kind of life altering loss. The needles have most likely been tossed into the trash, which is a tich frustrating because too many useful items get thrown out for no good reason. Ah, well. I will acquire more at some later point when I have the inclination and opportunity to do so.

Last day of the year.

I had plans (loose plans, but still plans) to only go as far as the laundry room (which is still in the building) for the next week. The week prior had been crazy busy with added travel, and I just wanted to stay home and marinate in my own crap.

So no shit, there I was calling the vet and putting on Real Pants™ because Sheldon has been throwing up an excessive amount (3-4 times a day) for the past week. If it was a few days and then a hairball was produced, no call needed. Similarly, if he was eating too fast and then upchucking, that's a him problem and not worth mentioning. This, though, this is worrying.

I have shaved my head, because a) my hair, even as short as it was, was starting to get on my nerves, and b) it's something I can control. I can't magically wish for Sheldon to stop yarking everywhere (including the coffee table on Saturday night and the couch last night); I can shave my head. I was in the process of uncovering my scalp and a glance in the mirror had me thinking, "there you are."

It's not much, but a shaved head is how I'm going to start 2025 and how I mean to go in through 2025. I think my days having a significant amount of hair are over for the time being. Maybe that will change as I get older, maybe it won't. For now, I will be bald and waiting for a vet appointment that neither I nor the cat want.

ETA: We're back from the appointment. Sheldon appears to be pretty healthy, all things considered. His weight is the same, he's not running a fever, his belly is soft. He's still pooping and peeing as normal. Because it could be thyroid OR liver OR kidney issues, I opted for an antinauseant to see if that clears things up instead of adding in blood work and a urine sample. Easiest thing first, right?

If he starts to vomit again, or becomes lethargic, or is put off his food entirely, then we're either off to the emergency vet (if tomorrow) or our vet (if Thursday). I have my fingers crossed that this will be enough.

Another year, another list. If nothing else, it helps to keep track of what I've read and if I had any thoughts on it. I'm also trying to read more this year than I did last year.

Let's do it!

January:

1. Battle of the Linguist Mages - Scotto Moore
   
2. Remember Me - Mary Balogh
   
3. Accidentally Compromising the Duke - Stacy Reid
   
4. Oedipus Aroused - Robert Devereaux
   
5. Faust Eric - Terry Pratchett
   

February:

1. Not That Duke - Eloisa James
   
2. Mystery Flesh Pit National Park - Trevor Roberts
   
3. One Dance with a Duke - Tessa Dare
   
4. Burning Girls - CJ Tudor
   
5. Stalked by the Kraken - Lillian Lark
   
6. Drowned Country - Emily Tesh
   

March:

1. Molly Molloy & the Angel of Death - Maria Vale
   
2. Rules for Heiresses - Amalie Howard
   
3. Devolution - Max Brooks
   
4. Kings of the Wyld - Nicholas Eames
   

April:

1. How to Tame a Wild Rogue - Julie Anne Long
   
2. A Gentleman Fallen on Hard Times - Grace Burrowes
   
3. A Power Unbound - Freya Marske
   
4. A History of What Comes Next - Sylvain Neuvel
   
5. Temple of Persephone - Isabella Kamal
   

May:

1. Have You Eaten? - Sarah Gailey (all of it is here)
   
2. A Most Unusual Duke - Susanna Allen
   
3. Guarded Hearts - VK Evans
   
4. The Lady From the Black Lagoon: Hollywood Monsters and the Lost Legacy of Milicent Patrick - Mallory O'Meara
   
5. Never a Duke - Grace Burrowes
   

June:

1. Camp Damascus - Chuck Tingle
   
2. What Feasts At Night - T Kingfisher
   
3. That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Demon - Kimberly Lemming
   
4. How to Catch a Duke - Grace Burrowes
   
5. Lovecraft Country - Matt Ruff
   

July:

1. Kingmaker - Kennedy Ryan
   
2. Rebel King - Kennedy Ryan
   
3. Split Tooth - Tanya Tagaq
   
4. Plot Twist - Erin La Rosa
   
5. Heretic Royal - GA Aiken
   
6. Don't Fear the Reaper - Stephen Graham Jones
   

August:

1. Curse of Chalion - Lois McMaster Bujold
   
2. Paladin of Souls - Lois McMaster Bujold
   
3. Hallowed Hunt - Lois McMaster Bujold
   
4. Bed of Flowers - Erin Satie
   
5. Every Heart a Doorway - Seanan McGuire
   
6. Down Among the Sticks and Bones - Seanan McGuire
   
7. Beneath a Sugar Sky - Seanan McGuire
   
8. In an Absent Dream - Seanan McGuire
   
9. Come Tumbling Down - Seanan McGuire
   
10. Gentleman Jim - Mimi Matthews
    

September:

1. Bitter Become the Fields - short story collection by various writers
   
2. Witch Please - Ann Aguirre
   
3. The Lost Cause - Cory Doctorow
   
4. Boss Witch - Ann Aguirre
   
5. The Magpie Lord - KJ Charles
   
6. A Case of Possession - KJ Charles
   
7. Flight of Magpies - KJ Charles
   
8. Sabriel - Garth Nix
   
9. Two Rogues Make a Right - Cat Sebastian
   
10. The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet - Becky Chambers
    

October:

1. Tess of the Road - Rachel Hartman
   
2. Howl's Moving Castle - Dianna Wynne Jones (reread)
   
3. Castle in the Air - Dianna Wynne Jones
   
4. House of Many Ways - Dianna Wynne Jones
   
5. A Rogue by Night - Kelly Bowen
   
6. Dead Silence - SA Barnes
   
7. My Season of Scandal - Julie Anne Long
   
8. Belle of Belgrave Square - Mimi Matthews
   
9. The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp - Leonie Swann (translated by Amy Bojang)
   

November:

1. Silence for the Dead - Simone St James
   
2. Legends & Lattes - Travis Baldree
   
3. Bookshops & Bonedust - Travis Baldree
   
4. Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting - KJ Charles
   
5. Bring Me Their Hearts - Sara Wolf
   
6. Find Me Their Bones - Sara Wolf
   
7. Send Me Their Souls - Sara Wolf
   
8. Her Big City Neighbor - Jackie Lau
   

December:

1. The Viscount's Inconvenient Temptation - Theresa Romain
   
2. All the Seas of the World - Guy Gavriel Kay
   
   

( Opinions, thoughts, mini-rants, and other commentary here. )

Happy Birthday, baby. My first born, my daughter, my perfect Shannon. I miss you, and am amazed that it's been twenty years.

The day you were born, it was cold and sunny, and neither of us knew the storm that lay just over the horizon. I wish I had gotten to hold you one last time before the end, but it wasn't meant to be.

I will always love you. Happy 20th Birthday, Shannon.

Okay. Rant time.

I want to make a cake, which is no big deal. Instead of carrot, I will use beets because I have more beets than carrots and they make a delicious substitute. I also have some pears to use up before they go bad in the bottom of my fridge.

So. A beet and pear cake, likely spiced with cinnamon and ginger and clove. Good autumnal cake.

I have a recipe that is my go-to for carrot cake. I decide to look online for beet cake recipes. THEN, being uninspired, I hit up my cookbooks for carrot cakes, knowing that I can substitute beets.

I noticed something that I found really REALLY disturbing: the stupid amount of oil in each of these cakes. My go-to lists 2/3c for an 8x8 or 9x9 cake. I've cut that back to 1/2c, because I've found it too greasy. If I double it, it's only 1 cup for a 9x13/bundt cake, which seems totally reasonable to me. Most of these other recipes? TWO FRIGGEN CUPS OF OIL for a layer/9x13/bundt cake size.

That is way WAY too much. Yuck.

My kid just walked out the door to his very first day of high school. My baby is growing up, whether I want him to or no. I'm not sad or morose or melancholic. Nostalgic, maybe? Hopeful? I'm feeling some kind of way, at any rate.

I hope it's a good day for him, because high school is a crucible and the students can be dickweasels and douchecanoes.