(no subject)

Part of me wants to sabotage my entire exercise plan. Why? Because it's a damn sight easier to be out of shape and unhappy about it than work towards something that would make me happier.

It's an incredibly defeatist view, and it would be so easy to just give in (and give up). I still have clothes that fit (even if I don't like the way that they do fit), so why should I care?

Apathy is a dangerous thing. Too much of it, and I may as well not get out of bed at all.

But I cannot succumb. I will not.

I keep telling myself this, too. And the lure of giving in is still lurking, waiting to strike.

The new Nine Inch Nails single "Hand that Feeds" has a line that I find extremely inspiring: "Do you want to change it". Everytime I hear it, I scream "yes!" in my head but I get trapped by my inability to conquer my apathy.

If I could get fuzzpsych interested and involved, that would help me out a great deal. But he's not fond of walks without a destination and I'm too self-conscious to dance with him (even in our own livingroom).

Bah! I quit.

(No, not really, but it felt good to say. I'll keep soldiering on as best I can.)

(no subject)

It's amazing what The Faint and thirty minutes of physical activity can do.

I'm all hot and sweaty and I feel damned good.

(I only wish I was all hot and sweaty because fuzzpsych was home.)