(no subject)

The pager went off twice last night. The first time to tell us that they were going to be switching to the oscillator and the second came two hours later...they had to put Shannon on the ECHMO (heart-lung machine, or more formerly extracorperal membrane oxygenation). After nearly two weeks intubated in the CCU, her lungs are failing.

The ECHMO is a last ditch attempt. If she can't handle going off of it, then there is nothing left.

She can recover from this, the only question that matters is will she?

(no subject)

I feel so empty. And I'm finding it harder and harder to go to the hospital, but everytime I leave I'm afraid something else is going to go wrong. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. But it just never fucking ends.

I don't want to lose my baby.