(no subject)

[valkryor]

I'm so tired.

I'm tired of having to be strong.

And I'm tired of being kicked (repeatedly) by the universe.

Comments

[clawfoot.livejournal.com]

I know this isn't the same, but when we lost Gus the Big Mean Bunny, everyone kept telling me how amazingly strong I was. I didn't believe them. I didn't feel strong. I felt so incredibly weak and so incredibly tired. Tired of grieving, tired of mourning, tired of holding everything together. Every time someone admired my strength, my stock answer was, "Yeah? Well, you don't see me when the lights are out."

My ordeal was over in an instant (okay, a week and a half), and since then all I've had to do is deal with the aftermath, and I know that your ordeal is just starting and will last for a very long time (although, hopefully, it will get better after the surgery and uncertainty is over with), but when you get some distance from the worst of it, you'll be able to look back on it like I'm able to look back on mine and see that you ARE strong. I know you probably don't feel it, I know you probably want to argue the point, but you are.

One other thing I learned from Gus' death is that although I was strong, I didn't have to be all the time. Occasionally, when I needed it, I could let my friends or family carry me a ways. And you can, too. That's what fuzzpsych is for, and that's what I'm for, and that's what an awful lot of people in your life are for. I'm sure you won't fall short of volunteers. :)

You are well-loved, and we won't let you go through this alone.