![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I just had a look at my user info page and I really should get around to changing my bio thingy. It's a little outdated. Meh. That's a project for when I actually have the time and more than just the thought that I should rewrite it.
Being here in Toronto is really strange. We rush to the hospital to spend time with Shannon, but since she's hooked up to 9 IV's at last count (one of them is a morphine drip so she won't pull out the ventilator), she just lays there and we feel useless. At least in Hamilton, we could change her bum, feed her and hold her. The only thing we can do here, really, is touch her head and legs (the nurses let me bring in booties for her feet which were a bit on the chilly side). I miss my baby.
One a plus side to this fucking awful mess, staying with my sister is a hell of a lot less stressful than I was anticipating. We're actually getting along more as friends and less as siblings (which for us is an improvement...we fought a lot growing up) and the plus side is when![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fuzzpsych and I get back from Sick Kids, we can hang out with her and her boyfriend and not talk about the hospital! It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's nice to have some non-crisis conversation and actually laugh at stupid shit. It's also keeping me relatively sane.
Speaking of sanity, yesterday after leaving Shannon, I was so angry. And it was stupid and baseless. I was angry (along with bitter and frustrated, but those are two emotions that are always with me these days) at, are you ready for this? Women who had had healthy babies. What gave them the right to only have to worry about 2 am feedings when I'm constantly scared that mine isn't going to make it until tomorrow?
The feeling's gone now, but the fear behind it is not. Tomorrow, when we finally hear from the doctors what the best course of action will be, is going to be a hard day.
Being here in Toronto is really strange. We rush to the hospital to spend time with Shannon, but since she's hooked up to 9 IV's at last count (one of them is a morphine drip so she won't pull out the ventilator), she just lays there and we feel useless. At least in Hamilton, we could change her bum, feed her and hold her. The only thing we can do here, really, is touch her head and legs (the nurses let me bring in booties for her feet which were a bit on the chilly side). I miss my baby.
One a plus side to this fucking awful mess, staying with my sister is a hell of a lot less stressful than I was anticipating. We're actually getting along more as friends and less as siblings (which for us is an improvement...we fought a lot growing up) and the plus side is when
fuzzpsych and I get back from Sick Kids, we can hang out with her and her boyfriend and not talk about the hospital! It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's nice to have some non-crisis conversation and actually laugh at stupid shit. It's also keeping me relatively sane.Speaking of sanity, yesterday after leaving Shannon, I was so angry. And it was stupid and baseless. I was angry (along with bitter and frustrated, but those are two emotions that are always with me these days) at, are you ready for this? Women who had had healthy babies. What gave them the right to only have to worry about 2 am feedings when I'm constantly scared that mine isn't going to make it until tomorrow?
The feeling's gone now, but the fear behind it is not. Tomorrow, when we finally hear from the doctors what the best course of action will be, is going to be a hard day.
