(no subject)

[valkryor]

I have so much to do and I'm so fucking bored. I hate it when it's like this. I want to get stuff done (write, read, whatever), but I don't want to at the same time. So apathy wins. I'm squandering the time off that I do have and when the inevitable comes and I have to go back to work (*shudder*), I'm going to be very disappointed that I did waste what I had.

So where's my ambition? Don't know, really. I think it's somewhere with not being sleep deprived day in and day out.

If I had the time to waste (like having won the lottery or somesuch), then it wouldn't be so bad. But this is finite. It will end. Long before I'm ready.

Comments

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. Every time I have some free time, I tell myself, "I'm going to finish that song today," or "I'm going to clean up the house today," and then when I don't do it, I feel awful for wasting what free time I had. I think it's a trap, in a lot of ways. And those yardsticks you're using to beat yourself down are self-created. I know that you have a limited amount of time in your leave, but you have a lot of time in your life. Work on it when you can and when it moves you, but don't beat yourself down with it. If it doesn't get finished in this time, you'll find a way to finish it later.

I was reading an interview the other day with a guy from The Prodigy, and it was really eye-opening to hear him talk about it, how he'd go out to the cottage for a month and get nothing written and he'd be freaking out because he set aside all this time and either he felt like he wasted it or nothing gelled and none of the tracks were working out and he was worried he'd never get another album out. And all this stuff. He spent a few years seriously freaking out about it, but it eventually came, in due time, when it was ready.