who cares

[valkryor]

I have this pattern where I get really upset about how I look, about my size and that I'm completely unappealing (it leans towards the "too hideous to look at" category, which is lightyears beyond being sexually appealing). Then fuzzpsych will tell me that he loves me and still finds me attractive, which can be one of a few ego boosts depending on how low I feel. Eventually my self-esteem gets enough reassurance for me to get on with things until the next low point.

I'd rather do nothing about it and know the results than do something and get no results at all. Sounds really stupid, I know, but I like the safe and predictable, which also makes me a very boring person in all aspects.

I don't bother because nothing will change. Not really. I'll still go through this cycle and in the end, the low self-image and the non-existant self-worth along with the trying-to-be-interesting-and-failing-miserably me will still be there, regardless of my physical size.

Comments

[joncanuck]

While I understand that depression is an irrational thing, don't forget you have a lot of friends who do care about you, and wonderful husband who truly does love you and does find you attractive.

And you are a wonderful,interesting and talented woman.

I think so anyway.......

[poeticalpanther.livejournal.com]

What Jonathan said. I'm sorry I didn't realise you were so boring, I couldn't notice it for all the interestingness...;)

[robertom.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[hollygoth.livejournal.com]

:P
you're silly..
as tough as it is at times to remeber we (you friends, acquaintences, fringe stalkers and loved ones) like you just the way you are ... the outside doesn't factor to those who care about you ... only the inside.

for what its worth almost everyone has those kinds of days/moments. you're forutunate that you have soemone at home to help you through those moments and remind you of how fabulous you are.

=)

[clawfoot.livejournal.com]

Yes... the "it's easier to try to fail and succeed than it is to try to succeed and fail" mental defense. I know it extremely well. It's what plagued my entire academic career (and nearly made me fail grade four -- how does one fail grade four?!?) and basically keeps me where I am now, on several fronts. I totally grok you on that.

[wildelf.livejournal.com]

*pfeh* On the outside yer a valkyrie... and they're not allowed to be skinny little twigs. Hell, how do you haul a viking over the front of your horse if yer built like a pencil?

On the inside... well, yer a valkyrie there too, in a lot of ways *nod* And an entertaining one. At least you're not all about the Wagner and the beer *heh*

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

Not to be contradictory, but I haven't found you to be boring.