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valkryorAs predicted, yesterday was truly craptastic.
It was a lot of waiting. Add that to a good amount of worry and fear and you get a day from hell. Even though I wasn't doing anything physically strenuous, by the end of it, I was exhausted.
I hit my lowest point before Shannon went to the Cath Lab.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fuzzpsych was having a snooze on the built in bench/couch/bed and Shannon was asleep in my arms. It was so easy to imagine that everything had gone horribly terribly wrong and this was the last time I would hold my baby before she was lowered into the cold cold earth.
The chances that something could go wrong with a Cath are very very slight. But there still is that risk. And I couldn't stop thinking about it.
What if she was one of two deaths that occur every year on account of this procedure? It's such a chilling thought. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my baby. I don't.
Scary thoughts meant tears.fuzzpsych woke up and rescued me. It sounds odd, but it's comforting to hear that someone feels the same scary feelings that you do. I didn't feel so alone in my worry.
And after we took Shannon down to the Cath Lab, we went wandering around the hospital. He bought me a shiny. I likes shinies. We got caught up on Doctor Who and I spent more money than I should at the Roots store (yes, there is one at Sick Kids. All proceeds go back to the hospital, so it's much better than going to one in a mall). I bought a watch (silver on silver with black highlights) and a leather wallet (black with pink...very 50s, but in a good way...and yes, pink. But it looks very retro, so nyah).
We even got to come home last night. That was good.
Just as we passed Jamieson while westbound on the Gardiner, I crashed. I went from pent up anxiety to completely drained in a matter of seconds. I even came very close to bursting into tears at the time. I was punch drunk. And entertaining, apparently. Whatever filter I might have had to stop me from saying stupid shit was broken. And oh man, was I right on form. :P At one point, we needed to get into another lane, but this big semi sped up when he noticed that we were trying to get in front. I made a comment that he probably wore frilly underpants because he seemed like the type. Oh yeah, lots and lots of what-the-fuck was spewing out of my mouth. Even after a good night's sleep, I still needed a nap this afternoon because I'm still wiped.
I was going to do some yoga later, but I'm thinking a movie or just some television might be a better idea instead.
It was a lot of waiting. Add that to a good amount of worry and fear and you get a day from hell. Even though I wasn't doing anything physically strenuous, by the end of it, I was exhausted.
I hit my lowest point before Shannon went to the Cath Lab.
fuzzpsych was having a snooze on the built in bench/couch/bed and Shannon was asleep in my arms. It was so easy to imagine that everything had gone horribly terribly wrong and this was the last time I would hold my baby before she was lowered into the cold cold earth. The chances that something could go wrong with a Cath are very very slight. But there still is that risk. And I couldn't stop thinking about it.
What if she was one of two deaths that occur every year on account of this procedure? It's such a chilling thought. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my baby. I don't.
Scary thoughts meant tears.
fuzzpsych woke up and rescued me. It sounds odd, but it's comforting to hear that someone feels the same scary feelings that you do. I didn't feel so alone in my worry.And after we took Shannon down to the Cath Lab, we went wandering around the hospital. He bought me a shiny. I likes shinies. We got caught up on Doctor Who and I spent more money than I should at the Roots store (yes, there is one at Sick Kids. All proceeds go back to the hospital, so it's much better than going to one in a mall). I bought a watch (silver on silver with black highlights) and a leather wallet (black with pink...very 50s, but in a good way...and yes, pink. But it looks very retro, so nyah).
We even got to come home last night. That was good.
Just as we passed Jamieson while westbound on the Gardiner, I crashed. I went from pent up anxiety to completely drained in a matter of seconds. I even came very close to bursting into tears at the time. I was punch drunk. And entertaining, apparently. Whatever filter I might have had to stop me from saying stupid shit was broken. And oh man, was I right on form. :P At one point, we needed to get into another lane, but this big semi sped up when he noticed that we were trying to get in front. I made a comment that he probably wore frilly underpants because he seemed like the type. Oh yeah, lots and lots of what-the-fuck was spewing out of my mouth. Even after a good night's sleep, I still needed a nap this afternoon because I'm still wiped.
I was going to do some yoga later, but I'm thinking a movie or just some television might be a better idea instead.
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Date: 2005-04-22 09:22 pm (UTC)As to your yesterday...wow. Not fun indeed. I remember being IVed for a CT scan once, some years ago, and just before he sticks the needle in, he says, "Oh, by the way, 1 person in 250,000 is allergic to this dye, and they pretty much die before anyone can do anything. Want me to carry on?"
My vote for "Worst Bedside Manner Ever". I'm glad the wee one wasn't a statistic, and hope she never will be.
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Date: 2005-04-22 10:10 pm (UTC)As for the conversation...I may just have to take you up on that at some time...:)
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Date: 2005-04-22 10:17 pm (UTC)Oh, wow. A tough road to walk, indeed.
:whoo:
Like I said - adult conversation, at your leisure. :)