Brain currently booting in Safe Mode

Dear Canada Post,

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ATTEMPT TO DELIVER MY PARCEL IN THE TEN FUCKING MINUTES I WASN'T HOME?!

And where the hell is my delivery notice card?

No love,

Me.

This weekend, both of my D&D games happened. My Saturday night game, run by Dulthgaiea, started late and ended really late. There was a lot of rain and only one encounter. One encounter in which Murphy was sitting at the table and proudly rolling dice. There was comedy, sure, but it's the type of comedy where if you have to laugh, lest you fall in a pit of ennui and never come out again. Now Dulth and I get to sort this mess out between games just to keep things moving.

Yesterday was my 4e game. We got through TWO encounters! Two! Ooooo, exciting! ;)

(Mostly it was just the three of us catching up and kvetching for the first half, running through one relatively easy encounter, then lunch out, followed by blowing through a second. We went to South St Burger for lunch. It was...okay? I didn't find the burger patty particularly flavourful, although it was juicy. And why does everything have to be Angus beef these days? Was I expecting too much? I doubt I will go back because it was a 'premium' fast food place, and I have no desire to pay that much for something that I find to be meh.)

I FINALLY GOT TO SEE ROGUE ONE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! I greatly enjoyed it, loved the diverse cast, and the Star Wars easter eggs. I also think that it's my (current) favourite Star Wars film. The story is solid and that ending? Magnifique! If anyone needs me, I'll be over here, geeking out about how amazing it is.

And it's that time of year again; Jump Rope for Heart has rolled around again. Here is Declan's online donate link if you are so inclined: http://support.heartandstroke.ca/goto/bigsister

I'm still here. Just not feeling very posty...although there's this one thing that does bother me....

Today, I went looking for a belt. I wanted functional and fun. The only thing that would fit was one of those "cardboard" belts (you know, two thin pieces of leather with what can only be cardboard stitched between them) and I declined, because that wasn't what I was looking for. But what really cuts my grass is this...why the fuck can't a woman who has a larger than the 44" that makes up the XL category of belts not be able to find something in a shop that has lots and lots of belts? Why should I be forced to go to a store out of my way to find something that should be fairly accessible? Why has the fashion industry completely forgotten that the average dress size is now 16 and no longer 12 and that larger clothes is a good thing?

Poopie.

So it's either off to King Textiles to see if I can get the bits and pieces to make a web belt, or back to Addition-Elle (which is relatively close to the hospital) to see if there's something there that's not too expensive that I like. I feel trapped by the lack of choice, but there are very very few options.

Don't get me started on bras.

I can't believe how disappointed I am right now.

It's hot in our apartment, so hot, in fact, that we decided to spend money we just couldn't afford on lunch in an air conditioned place. After that we ran a few errands before coming home, where the heat is at near stifling levels.

I had to pick up some photos that were ready at Bents. So fuzzpsych parked the car but left the engine idling (to keep the air conditioning going...with the baby in the car, it was necessary) and I walked across the street to pick them up. I had to go by the high end (?) women's clothing shop called Seasons. And it was in the window that I saw a tank top (I guess, it didn't have anything that I would call sleeves) that is more appropriate for T-Shirt Hell than a fashionable (?) clothing store in uptown Waterloo. Are you ready? The shirt was green and in pink lettering across the chest it said "Melon Cooler". How's that for classy?

After that it was a quick trip to Now and Then. Which is where my disappointment begins. (Quick backstory: Because of the whole initial Shannon thing, I was unable to get back to Now and Then in a timely fashion and my box was dissolved. I had it reinstated and did my best to get to the store at regular-ish intervals.) I go in, say hello to Gerrald and go to my sub box. Which is completely empty. It wasn't when I was there last, but it is now.

What the...?

So I talk to Gerrald for a bit and find out that my sub box has been dissolved AGAIN without warning or a phone call or anything. Just gone. Years of loyalty thrown out the window for the sake of commerce.

Okay. To be fair to the new owner, it has been about 6 weeks since I was there last, but to dissolve my sub box without a phone call asking me to come in when I know that my number is on file feels like a kick to the head with steel-toed boots.

So right now I'm of two minds: on the one hand, I want to call Dave and get this all sorted out so I can have my sub box again, but on the other, I wonder if it's even worth it and just quit collecting comics altogether (or, at the very least, quit going to Now and Then altogether).

I feel betrayed and I'm disappointed that my loyalty isn't worth a lousy phone call.

Rabbit Sabbath was fun. We brought two more to the ceremony last night, so that meant that it was me, fuzzpsych, clawfoot, the_daily_rant, joncanuck, Robigus and Tabula Rasa. Tabula Rasa cried throughout the entire ceremony, including her baptism, but that was expected by hare_mengele and his lovely wife, so no worries there.

She was pretty freaked out, actually, so fuzzpsych spent the majority of the evening in another room keeping her calm. At least he got a piece of the Guinness Chocolate Cake that I made for the event.

I will post pictures of Tabula Rasa in her outfit when I get them. She was adorable. :)

And now onto the ranty bit...

Today, I was coming out of the local Tim Hortons with coffee and goodies when I noticed the old man who exited afer me go to his car. Now he was parked in the handicap space and I know that the asphalt gently slopes up towards the sidewalk leaving a very minimal (about 2 cm) lip between them. And old guy had to lean on the hood of his car so he could get to the driver's side door!

Okay, so correct me if I'm wrong, but if you need support (the arm of another person, a railing, etc) to go down a slope that a just-learned-to-walk toddler can manage, do you really think that you should be driving?

I hate pumping.

It's the biggest pain in the ass imaginable. Okay, breast milk is best for baby, and expressed breast milk (also called EBM) that is bottle fed is the next best thing to getting it from the source. I would love nothing more than to stop pumping and start breastfeeding Shannon. The only problem with this is I haven't been attempting to breastfeed Shannon all this time. Hospitals are fucked up places and they stress me out. They also stress out my daughter, so, in beginning (and after a few frustrating and devastating attempts), it was easier to pump and bottle. I found out today from a lactation consultant that breastfeeding should be established by the fourth week at the latest. And, according to my math, it's "too late". Pumping, though, is a total disconnect. I go into a different room with a machine, and do a damn good imitation of a cow. It's depressing and stressful and it's started to affect the amount of milk I get. I've completely gone off any schedule that I had paritally because of how it makes me feel (which, when you get down to it, is awful).

Did I mention how much I hate pumping?

The major problem with stopping is the cost of formula. It's cheaper to rent a pump per month than to pay for formula. So I'm in a bit of a bind if Shannon doesn't take to the breast. I can either do something I can't stand and find demoralizing or I can pay through the nose to feed my baby. It's a lose-lose situation and I don't really know what to do. I will try to breastfeed her, but if it doesn't work, I have to figure something out quickly or she'll go hungry and I'll go mad.

I'm not too sure how I feel about Christmas anymore.

On the only real positive note, we've been excused from Christmas, in that no one's expecting any gifts from us. And as we have less than no funds, it's perfect. I am, though, getting my sister something...she wants a cutting of my spider plant (hers had scale that was aggressively treated a few times and kept coming back)...it's a free gift (I have soil and pots and the aforementioned spider plant at home), so that I can manage. The only other thing I could do is Christmas baking. Not free, I know, but relatively inexpensive.

So enter Boxing Day. fuzzpsych's extended family every year used to get together on Dec 26, but they haven't done so in years. So now we have a baby that turns out to be tremendously sick and all of a sudden the gathering is happening again this year. I don't want to go. I hate big gatherings of any type (family, though, is the worst for me, unless it's my mom's side, but that's a different story) and this is something that fuzzpsych wants us to go to so that they can all see the baby, get it out of their system, and go back to ignoring us. They wanted to hand Shannon from person to person to person, but with her recent heart surgery, it's hands off. I wish I could make it hands off for everyone except parents, but my mother in law will explode when she holds Shannon and the sooner I get it over with the better.

Now the only thing I have to do is email my in laws and make it clear that everyone has to wash their hands before touching her and anyone with a cold/flu/unexplained cold-like symptoms should not come on account of Shannon's health.

Even though I like winter, walking back from Sick Kids it decided to rain and snow. Man I hate it when it does that. One or the other, but not both. When it's both, it's like being slushed on. And slush is icky. :P

And, after all that, here's the good news: We should be home by Monday. We were told Friday again by the Nurse Practitioner and they will do every thing they can to make it happen, but if it doesn't, it will be within a few days. Oh god. I can't wait to get my baby home.