Brain currently booting in Safe Mode

If you have not read this Reddit post, I urge you to stop what you are doing, read the post and then the update. You can thank me later.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rfwgmc/aita_for_perpetuating_ethnic_stereotypes_about/

For the safety of your keyboard/monitor/laptop, please do not have any drinks close at hand. Just...trust me on this.

Happy Birthday to me!

I am now officially older than my father was when he died. Yeah, odd milestone, but it certainly feels more personal than, say, a decade marker like 40 or 50. A few years ago, we were getting lunch at a Wimpy's Diner before heading to Toronto for Christmas and I spied an old advertisement on the wall that dredged a memory of my dad up from the depths of my brainmeats, so I sent it to my sister to see if she also remembered and she did!

My dad used to roll his own cigarettes. Not using a pinch of tobacco and papers, but a machine. I can't remember what it looked like now, but I have, in my head, an image of something akin to the old credit card imprinters. I can see him sitting at the kitchen table, newspapers laid out to keep the excess tobacco somewhat corralled. Anyway. Weird memory to have crop up.

Here's the ad that brought that up to the surface:

+~+~+

I have finished my first week of work. It was...work, but I did it and am going to have to adjust to the tiredness that comes with it. (I am still very proud of myself for getting outside and working, even if it was only 8 hours over two days.) On my first day, waiting for the bus home, I got to use my new emergency hat because it was too cold and windy to be standing still. I found the UGLIEST yarn while out thrifting for overalls for Declan's Hallowe'en costume. Then I googled hat patterns and found one I really liked the look of. It's ugly and cozy and I LOVE IT.



(Pictures don't do it justice. It's more vibrant in person.)

+~+~+

Yesterday, we all had a spot of very successful errand running! First up were flu shots for the lot of us. This year, we went to an independent pharmacy and it was quicker than it is at a chain.

While we were waiting the 15 minutes, we wandered through the dollar store and found gloves for the boy. His mitts died an ignoble death last year and he needed something new. I asked him if he wants a string (idiot strings are the best way to keep kids from constantly losing mittens and gloves, because that can get expensive and fast); he declined. Well, at least they weren't THAT expensive.

The longest errand we ran was buying winter boots for the boy. He has adult sized feet and sensory issues, so it makes it challenging. As a woman with hard-to-fit feet, I completely get it. BUT, after much gnashing of teeth and beating of breast, we found a pair that are a good size, didn't cost a gajillion dollars, and should do for the year. Added bonus? Not having to deal with the craziness that will be today (the store was pretty quiet when we went). The weather is turning and that reminds parents that they need winter gear for their kiddos.

It was dark when we came home, but the sky was FANTASTIC. This is the best shot I got from my cellphone:

+~+~+

I haven't been reading much lately. I'm still editing my book, and I was thinking that writing is taking enough energy that I don't have much to spare to create new worlds from the words of others. While that does impact on the time I have to read, it doesn't really explain why I have been buying books and not reading them. Maybe things will settle out in a week or so when I get myself used to working for someone else again. Maybe.

Or maybe I should start reading something today, because it's mah birfday.

One good thing about keeping track of one's reading is noting when it slows way down. Because of the weather and the construction and the cat (who is still peeing on the floor - I now think it's in protest of the construction noise which I can do NOTHING about), my brain is eating myself. I'm heading into a 'meh' phase where reading is not a thing that holds my attention for longer than fifteen minutes. I did finish Memory Called Empire and really enjoyed it, but picking up another book right now, whether dead tree or electronic, isn't doing anything for me right now.

To that end, I started catching up on some of the Netflix shows that I am seriously behind in that I can't watch when Declan is around for various reasons (and one or two seasons adds up over multiple shows). I've started with season 4 of Castlevania because a) each episode is less than 30 minutes, b) it's fucking great, and c) did I mention it's fucking great? The first season is four episodes, roughly movie-length when binged all at once, Trevor Belmont is deeply cynical and fucking tired and I just identify with him so much, it's gory and visceral and gorgeously animated, and it never feels like the video game it's based on.

The only thing I've been reliably posting about is my reading. With every new thing of significant length, I dutifully update the reading list I started in January including the date. I seem to be on a bit of a spec fic tear, which suits me fine.

I have also noticed that the tooth that was giving me trouble feels unnatural in my mouth. It's as if my lizard brain recognizes that it needs to go, too, and I could not agree more. I have a consult in two weeks, and it can't come fast enough.

Life in lock down continues. I'm tired because a) I don't get enough sleep (my sleep schedule is completely fucked up) and b) I don't get enough (or any) alone time these days. With Declan home and virtual schooling and Paul going back to work-from-home (and the fucking construction literally right outside my window), I will have even less time to myself.

Joy.

My sister sent me a bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day. Roses and carnations and chrysanthemums in pinks ranging from the soft to fuchsia. It arrived last night and is lovely. The trick, I think, will be to keep the cats away from it. I might have to take out some of the greenery, or find a way to barricade it behind something. I have a roll of chicken wire that I used for just that purpose with one of my plants to keep it from getting nibbled on. I might need to deploy it again.

Llama Llama
Remote-Learning Drama
by Liz Alterman


Alarm clock rings and Mama groans.
Lil Llama’s still learning from home.

Mornings fill Mama with crushing dread
as Llama whines, “My Chromebook’s dead!”

“Find the charger, plug it in!
Virtual school will soon begin!”

Mama takes a seat beside Lil Llama,
hoping to lessen online learning trauma.

Thirty minutes wasted taking attendance
may explain Mama’s growing wine dependence.

Computer screen is frozen and WiFi’s glitching.
Mama’s left eye starts new, mysterious twitching.

Teacher’s mic cuts in and out.
Little Llama starts to pout.

“I wanna play Fortnite now!” Llama cries.
Mama dreams about eating her weight in fries.

“Sweet little Llama, please pay attention!”
Mama’s chest constricts from hypertension.

Teacher outlines today’s lesson.
Mama slips into deep depression.

“First, you’ll recreate the Louvre with dried spaghetti.
Then, you’ll write a dozen haikus about a yeti.”

Harried Mama sighs and rolls her eyes,
then listens as another parent cries.

It’s been ten months without a break.
How much more can this Mama take?

Already late for her own Zoom meeting,
Mama gobbles Pop Tarts, mmm… stress eating.

Llama’s pals pick their noses and interrupt.
Mama braces for frazzled teacher to erupt.

At the kitchen table, Mama finally starts her work,
ignores Llama, still in pajamas, attempting to twerk.

Teacher tries to explain subtraction,
Llama’s antics are gaining traction.

“Who needs a five-minute recess?” exhausted teacher asks.
Mama pictures the instructor guzzling from a flask.

Llama darts off to build a Lego tower
while Mama sneaks away to take a shower.

Under the cleansing spray, Mama catches her breath.
Time alone’s more pure than Walter White’s meth.

But poor Mama isn’t on her own at all.
Llama and his laptop lurk in the hall.

Llama’s classmates dissolve into giggle fits
as camera pans to Mama’s lady bits.

“Out!” roars Mama, grabbing towel
while Llama’s peers shriek, hoot, and howl.

The day proceeds in a downward spiral
as screenshots of nude Mama go viral.

By 2 PM Lil Llama’s feral.
Mama’s career’s in major peril.

Counting down the minutes until bedtime,
Mama deems remote learning a grievous crime.

“Sorry, Mama, you know I’m trying.”
Each day ends with the Llamas crying.

“And I’m sorry that there’s no other choice,”
Mama says in her bravest voice.

Pour one glass of pinot, then another
COVID’s destroying this weary mother.

Mama drinks away her ever-present sorrow,
knowing that she’ll face it all again tomorrow.

My NaNo novel continues to truck along. I've written the end of it (the majority of it, at any rate, including teh sexytimes), and have finally started at the beginning. I constantly feel like I'm in the weeds, despite making my daily word count.

If that's what motivates me, then that's what motivates me. *shrug*

I wrote two sex scenes and not once did I use 'hole' OR 'entrance'. You want to jolt me out of an erotic romp? Have me read one of those two words. THEY ARE NOT SEXY. THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN SEXY. STAHP. I have seen it crop up in the historical romance I read and I've seen it in the past when I was read a lot (like A LOT) of slashy fanfic. I'm going to go ahead and blame Ao3 for its migration into the published, for profit world of sex scenes. And while I have nothing but love and joy for Ao3, I could have lived without that transference.

Paul is now officially working from home. He got his kit last week, which consisted of the same set up as his workstation in the office. He was expecting a laptop, but no: two all-in-one desktops, mouse, keyboard, workstation hub. That necessitated some thinking. And some rearranging. And some buying. So, about $100 (cable, moveable 'workstation' - aka a kitchen cart at a steep discount) and a lot of frustration later, here we are.

In some ways, this is good. I am forced to get out of bed, showered and dressed before he starts his shift at 10am. Before, I was getting into the shower at noon or 1pm, getting up at 9 or 10, and staying up WAY past my bedtime. So, I was ostensibly getting enough sleep, but I wasn't getting it at the right time and it was really fucking up my circadian rhythm and doubling down on my depression. My medication is already working overtime as it is; I don't need to make it worse.

(I was up too late last night, but I was part of the Bad Decisions Book Club. We don't meet or hang out, we just want to read One More Page. I started and finished Paladin's Grace by T. Kingfisher yesterday. So. Good. The hero is a paladin of a dead god who knits socks to keep his depressive thoughts from being intrusive and the heroine is a perfumer who has had kind of a shitty life but doesn't stop moving forward, however she can. They are awkward and adorable together. And the secondary characters are fantastic. I adore Bishop Beartongue, head of the Temple of the White Rat. She reminds me strongly of Granny Weatherwax, which is never a bad thing, in my not-so-humble opinion. I laughed out loud at a couple of points and now I want to read the other three books set in the same universe.)

Today, I have already started some laundry, and plan on making a pie. I want to do things at the moment, so I'm going to capitalize on that for as long as I can. :)

Yesterday, tired of looking at the pile of comics that needed cataloguing, I pulled them into a pile and did the thing. Then, I put them away. Which doesn't seem like a big deal, but I had to separate read from unread and FIND ROOM for them all.

Before we had Declan, I had a comic shelf, custom built by me, and all my books and issues neatly bagged and filed. After Declan, we needed the space for his books and stuff, so my comics were, for the most part, put into long boxes and taken over to my mom's for storage. I did keep some here, almost enough to fit the width of a BILLY bookshelf, mostly favourites or things I wanted to reread.

This worked for a while, except I like comic books and a lot of the people in my life know that I like them, too. So, I have acquired more over the years, and have filled the shelf with a need for more space.

Enter the corner of my dresser/bookshelf that was full of things/unread books and collecting dust.

Yesterday, I emptied it out, dusted a bunch of stuff, found places to display what I want to keep, shelved and stacked the books and comics in the cleared out space. In the process, I made a very small space (about 40cm x 20cm) clear of anything, including dust. I am ridiculously happy about that empty space. So happy, in fact, that I finally did something I've been meaning to do for far too long: reorganize the rest of my books in the bedroom.

And hell, it's almost been four years since the other bookshelf collapsed and was replaced with record shelving and all of the books were displaced into other locations/bookshelves. UGH.

I don't know why it took so long. It felt overwhelming and impossible. What I had done (shove things onto shelves willy-nilly) was Good Enough™, even though it really wasn't. Inspired by the empty space, I pulled the books off the shelves, dusted them and the shelves, sorted them into size/author, and PUT THEM BACK IN A SEMBLANCE OF ORDER.

The shelves are neat. They are dusted. There are no longer any books just shoved in, stacked up, spines facing the sides. It's really hard to tell which book is which when all you can see is the bottom. Now every book is spine out save one (and that one is distinctive enough that it's not an issue), they are together in a way that makes a sort of sense, and that space? STILL FUCKING EMPTY.

I finished reading Hogfather last night. While checking my email this morning, I discovered that Terry Pratchett has been knighted.

It brought tears to my eyes. But good tears. :)

I finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince today. Then I played games at the domicile of epi_lj and okoshun with lots of other LJers. It was much fun.

Not much to report on the hospital side of things. Shannon's no longer being paced and will be getting calcium orally instead of intravenously. Oh, and she's back to pooping like a trooper (and I don't have to clean it!).