(no subject)

[valkryor]

I have this powerful urge to chuck my parent badge into the nearest bin, go home and turn off the phone and pretend that none of this is happening, so I can go back to living a semblance of a life. Nothing makes any sense and this is the only way that I can think of to impose some sort of order on chaos.

I bring Miss Kitty (Shannon's favourite toy) with me to the hospital everyday to remind her (remind me) that she (that I) had a life outside of Sick Kids and that all of this is a bad dream. But it's not just a dream and it gets harder and harder to convince myself that she'll ever wake up again. I fear that she has (I have) given up the fight.

When you have kids, you don't intend to pin hopes/dreams on them, but seconds after that first cry, you do it without even realizing that it's happened. And now I have the (mis)fortune to watch them ebb away into nothingness.

I feel so empty inside, hollow. I'm kind of hungry, but I don't want to eat. I had moments like this after Gus died, but it wasn't this complete. Now if it's all the same to you, I think I'm going to crawl off under a rock somewhere and cry myself to oblivion.

Comments

Re: *sigh*

[clawfoot.livejournal.com]

Thirded.

Re: *sigh*

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

Fourthed.